And 30s...here I come!

Elnewyork — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 00:01:12 GMT

Hi There!

My name is Ellie and I live in New York City. I guess the purpose of this newsletter is to allow me to express myself - to an audience of my peers. Every week I will touch on subjects like motherhood, relationships, single life, family relations, friend relations, career, sacrifice, and anything else that comes to mind. All articles will come from the heart, as I've lived and/or are living through each and every experience. The reason I'm doing this? I just want to let you know that you're not alone; there are other women out there who are either going or have gone through what you have gone through. So, with that said...

Young...ok, so I just hit 30. You can't blame me for going through the 'Oh my God, I just hit 30 and I'm single' crisis. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

I'm not your ordinary NYC 'single' 30 year old. In other words, if you're looking for a Sex In the City type of gal, you won't find her here. Nope, not here. I had my son when I was a month shy of 18, graduated college at 20, got married at 21, divorced at 22, engaged at 27, single again at 29. In my lifetime so far, I've moved 5 times, 3 different states, 5 different jobs, I've declared bankruptcy, I've loved unconditionally (and been hurt the same), I've suffered a semi-nervous breakdown, I've lost friends and family to stupidity mostly. DAMN...my 20s were a BLAST!

So now. I'm 30 years old. My son is in 7th grade. We live in a comfortable two bedroom apartment, I have a descent paying job, and I'm just gearing up to go through the teen years. To be honest, that's all that matters right now; although I'm scared shitless to go through it on my own. Do I need a man by my side? No, I don't. I can do this on my own; been doing it for a while now. Do I want a man by my side? Sure, why not? But it's funny...the older you get, the more selective you are. You just don't have the same tolerance as before. I've dated here and there, and seriously...I just don't have the energy!

Think about it. For a single mom to go on a date, she has to figure out babysitting arrangements, time restraints and allowance, wardrobe, make-up, and a neighborhood where her teenager's friends don't hang out in. Oh, and in my case, a sit down with my son to explain to him that I'm going out and I'm not sure what time I'll be home. Do you have ANY idea how long that takes? So, now, you're sitting across the table from this guy, whom you've either never met or have just seen socially a couple of times. You have to be at your best, right? You have to look good, you have to sound good, and most importantly, MOST importantly, you can not, will not sound jaded! Yeah...good luck with that.

You don't know how many times I've just wanted to say to a man, who much to my surprise seems to be interested in me, "ok, here's the deal. I'm not looking for a lay, I'm not looking for a 'daddy' for my son either. You need to have a good paying job, live on your own (NOT with your mother), you need to be educated, sociable (but not a flirt), respectful, fun, courteous, thoughtful, and know how to take care of a woman, stimulate her both mentally AND physically."

So, am I asking for too much? Have we reached a day and age where all the criteria above is too much? And why should it be considered so? Women have earned the priviledge, if not the right, to get out there and say, "HEY, I'm woman, hear me roar! Whether I'm roaring like a tigress or purring like a kitty, is up to you my man! So, get to it! Show me what you got!"

The Elnewyork Times

And 30s...here I come!